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Old 02-28-2010, 11:08 AM
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Default @#&*! you Chris Schwartz

I went to woodcraft just to buy a very small bottle of gorilla glue during their 20% off sale. All hell broke out. This ruffian named Chris Schwartz pushed over the Saw Stop, grabbed me from behind, and held a LN 3/4" bench chisel right next to my jugular vein. I could feel the 20 degree razor sharp angle press against my skin. My heart raced with fear. He pulled me over to a locked cabinet and told me to open it. He said, "take that #8, #5, #4 1/2, and hold that 60 1/2 bevel up in your hand." Then Chris grabbed my wallet and threw it to the guy behind the counter; Steve was his name I think... The whole incident still feels like a dream. Still holding the blade next to me he pushed me out the door to my car. "Load up fool!", he demanded. All I could think of was my dear wife and how I just wanted to get out of here quickly so I could see her just one last time. Chris then pushed me into the drivers seat, threw a copy of The Joiner and Cabinet Maker at my head, and said "I am Chris Schwartz, the power is now in your hands!". He mounted his saw horse and rode off down I85.

To the best of my knowledge, this is EXACTLY the sequence of events as well as I can remember it dear. I don't understand why he MADE me put all those Lie Nielsen planes in my trunk. And NO, I can't return them, I can not show my face around there... I didn't try and fight back.. The planes HAD to go in my car... that was the only way.

That is my story and I am sticking to it!
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Old 02-28-2010, 12:31 PM
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Default Re: @#&*! you Chris Schwartz



Now you have to get your wife to drive back with you to pick up the SawStop
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Old 02-28-2010, 02:25 PM
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Default Re: @#&*! you Chris Schwartz

Sounds reasonable enough.
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Old 02-28-2010, 03:07 PM
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Default Re: @#&*! you Chris Schwartz

Does Chris carry out similar beatings via email?
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Old 02-28-2010, 03:39 PM
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Default Re: @#&*! you Chris Schwartz

Shawn,

I think you'll do well in this forum.


Hmmm... I think the next time you visit Woodcraft, a tall German fellow named Christian (President Festool USA) will whisper in your ear, "Ve haf heard that you still haf money in your vallet!"

Regards,

Dan.
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Old 02-28-2010, 03:52 PM
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Default Re: @#&*! you Chris Schwartz

Quote:
Originally Posted by ShawnR View Post

... That is my story and I am sticking to it!
Not to worry, if you have any trouble selling that story, you have many case studies on this forum for corroboration.
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Old 02-28-2010, 07:56 PM
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Default Re: @#&*! you Chris Schwartz

The funny part is very little of this story is Hollywood.

I had stopped in just to get 2 clamps and a marking knife. I walk by the class and go, wow, that looks a lot like the guy playing on the dvd. It was a druggie on crack.. I was called to the class and Chris had several books that he also signed. Guy is super nice and spent so much time talk and sharing with me.. and I was not even part of his class! It was there that LN just called to me, complete the honey due list and she will allow more tools.
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Old 02-28-2010, 09:38 PM
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Default Re: @#&*! you Chris Schwartz

Quote:
Originally Posted by ShawnR View Post
He mounted his saw horse and rode off down I85.
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Old 02-28-2010, 11:24 PM
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Default Re: @#&*! you Chris Schwartz

Excellent story, Shawn. We've all been there. Though when Laurie bought her planes at Woodcraft, we made her take them all back and buy them from Lie-Nielsen direct.

Did you get to see Chris do his all-elbows-and-knees jack-plane smoothing of a rough board? It's worth the price of admission!
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Old 03-01-2010, 02:29 AM
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Default Re: @#&*! you Chris Schwartz

So far the only thing you did wrong was buying the gorilla glue. junk!
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